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From Liz. Because he is.
Now I need to sleep. The work week doesn't stop just b/c I'm consumed with JC, Joey, Justin, Lance & Chris.
Now I need to sleep. The work week doesn't stop just b/c I'm consumed with JC, Joey, Justin, Lance & Chris.
Last night I had a conversation with Liz about my frame of mind, now that I’ve met JC, and I think “aftermath,” although a bit dramatic, is the right word to use.
Here’s the thing. I have wanted to meet JC for years. The opportunities I’ve had to meet Joey, Lance, Chris and Justin have been incredible, especially since most of them have been out of the realm of normal fan interactions. But, as much as I love/respect/adore those guys, they aren’t JC.
I wasn’t delusional about what would happen when we met. But there is a reason why people write Mary Sues. And here I was, meeting JC at a private event. Where he knew I was coming to meet him.
As I’ve said, he was everything I could have imagined. Sweet, kind, beautiful, adorable when he danced around to the music. Just wonderful. But then it ended.
Even though it was a dream come true, it wasn’t a fantasy come true. That’s to be expected. But once the fantasy doesn’t happen, you can never get it back. And there’s a lot to be said for fantasies.
It was fun to imagine “what if.” And I feel like I lost the fun of imagination.
So I’m not so sure where to go from here. JC was all I hoped and more. Much more. But, of course, it didn’t become everything I want.
Looking at pictures of him from this weekend, especially with that phenomenal hair, causes physical, aching pain.
I keep wrestling with the idea of deleting my journal and trying to move beyond JC, ‘Nsync, and the fandom but the fandom is intricately tied to people I’ve come to care about. Honestly, I’m just sad. And I feel kind of bad. I’m sure it will pass. Perhaps I just need an LJ break until Grammy mania is over. I don’t know.
Here’s the thing. I have wanted to meet JC for years. The opportunities I’ve had to meet Joey, Lance, Chris and Justin have been incredible, especially since most of them have been out of the realm of normal fan interactions. But, as much as I love/respect/adore those guys, they aren’t JC.
I wasn’t delusional about what would happen when we met. But there is a reason why people write Mary Sues. And here I was, meeting JC at a private event. Where he knew I was coming to meet him.
As I’ve said, he was everything I could have imagined. Sweet, kind, beautiful, adorable when he danced around to the music. Just wonderful. But then it ended.
Even though it was a dream come true, it wasn’t a fantasy come true. That’s to be expected. But once the fantasy doesn’t happen, you can never get it back. And there’s a lot to be said for fantasies.
It was fun to imagine “what if.” And I feel like I lost the fun of imagination.
So I’m not so sure where to go from here. JC was all I hoped and more. Much more. But, of course, it didn’t become everything I want.
Looking at pictures of him from this weekend, especially with that phenomenal hair, causes physical, aching pain.
I keep wrestling with the idea of deleting my journal and trying to move beyond JC, ‘Nsync, and the fandom but the fandom is intricately tied to people I’ve come to care about. Honestly, I’m just sad. And I feel kind of bad. I’m sure it will pass. Perhaps I just need an LJ break until Grammy mania is over. I don’t know.
I don't know what to say to everyone who sent me words of encouragement except for "thank you."
I think I may have figured it out. I don't need encounters. I don't need to play with them. They aren't my friends and hanging out with them every now and then isn't going to change that. And, to be honest, even if it's possible, it's not worth the angst of getting there. I want to be a fan. A good old fashioned fan who squeeees over pictures and anticipates performances but does not go to parties with them after or before said performances. (Okay. I do want that. But I'm going to let it go. Hopefully.) When it comes down to it, the best times I've had have been with the friends I've shared these events with. CFTC was so special because of T & A & B and all the laughs. So, perhaps the answer isn't pulling myself out of the fandom. It's just readjusting my thinking about being a fan. *sigh* Sadness. But happieness will come. And then you'll never hear me shut up about meeting JC and getting a kiss!
So on to the fun stuff.
One of my publishing clients from a pretty big magazine knows way too many details about my love of all things 'Nsync.
( So here's the e-mail he sent me about the Grammy's and the exchange that followed. Names deleted to protect the innocent. )
I am very pleased that I have converted clients. *pats self on back*
On a less pleasing note which I will never mention again and ask you not to comment on, I got royally screwed. Great. I went to the Blender Party. But why didn't the publisher get me into the 'Nsync/Nelly/Stuff party last night? Stuff is Blender's sister magazine. But I don't care about these things any more, right? So I'm not really cranky. I didn't care anyway. Argh!
I think I may have figured it out. I don't need encounters. I don't need to play with them. They aren't my friends and hanging out with them every now and then isn't going to change that. And, to be honest, even if it's possible, it's not worth the angst of getting there. I want to be a fan. A good old fashioned fan who squeeees over pictures and anticipates performances but does not go to parties with them after or before said performances. (Okay. I do want that. But I'm going to let it go. Hopefully.) When it comes down to it, the best times I've had have been with the friends I've shared these events with. CFTC was so special because of T & A & B and all the laughs. So, perhaps the answer isn't pulling myself out of the fandom. It's just readjusting my thinking about being a fan. *sigh* Sadness. But happieness will come. And then you'll never hear me shut up about meeting JC and getting a kiss!
So on to the fun stuff.
One of my publishing clients from a pretty big magazine knows way too many details about my love of all things 'Nsync.
( So here's the e-mail he sent me about the Grammy's and the exchange that followed. Names deleted to protect the innocent. )
I am very pleased that I have converted clients. *pats self on back*
On a less pleasing note which I will never mention again and ask you not to comment on, I got royally screwed. Great. I went to the Blender Party. But why didn't the publisher get me into the 'Nsync/Nelly/Stuff party last night? Stuff is Blender's sister magazine. But I don't care about these things any more, right? So I'm not really cranky. I didn't care anyway. Argh!
.