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Last night I had a conversation with Liz about my frame of mind, now that I’ve met JC, and I think “aftermath,” although a bit dramatic, is the right word to use.
Here’s the thing. I have wanted to meet JC for years. The opportunities I’ve had to meet Joey, Lance, Chris and Justin have been incredible, especially since most of them have been out of the realm of normal fan interactions. But, as much as I love/respect/adore those guys, they aren’t JC.
I wasn’t delusional about what would happen when we met. But there is a reason why people write Mary Sues. And here I was, meeting JC at a private event. Where he knew I was coming to meet him.
As I’ve said, he was everything I could have imagined. Sweet, kind, beautiful, adorable when he danced around to the music. Just wonderful. But then it ended.
Even though it was a dream come true, it wasn’t a fantasy come true. That’s to be expected. But once the fantasy doesn’t happen, you can never get it back. And there’s a lot to be said for fantasies.
It was fun to imagine “what if.” And I feel like I lost the fun of imagination.
So I’m not so sure where to go from here. JC was all I hoped and more. Much more. But, of course, it didn’t become everything I want.
Looking at pictures of him from this weekend, especially with that phenomenal hair, causes physical, aching pain.
I keep wrestling with the idea of deleting my journal and trying to move beyond JC, ‘Nsync, and the fandom but the fandom is intricately tied to people I’ve come to care about. Honestly, I’m just sad. And I feel kind of bad. I’m sure it will pass. Perhaps I just need an LJ break until Grammy mania is over. I don’t know.
Here’s the thing. I have wanted to meet JC for years. The opportunities I’ve had to meet Joey, Lance, Chris and Justin have been incredible, especially since most of them have been out of the realm of normal fan interactions. But, as much as I love/respect/adore those guys, they aren’t JC.
I wasn’t delusional about what would happen when we met. But there is a reason why people write Mary Sues. And here I was, meeting JC at a private event. Where he knew I was coming to meet him.
As I’ve said, he was everything I could have imagined. Sweet, kind, beautiful, adorable when he danced around to the music. Just wonderful. But then it ended.
Even though it was a dream come true, it wasn’t a fantasy come true. That’s to be expected. But once the fantasy doesn’t happen, you can never get it back. And there’s a lot to be said for fantasies.
It was fun to imagine “what if.” And I feel like I lost the fun of imagination.
So I’m not so sure where to go from here. JC was all I hoped and more. Much more. But, of course, it didn’t become everything I want.
Looking at pictures of him from this weekend, especially with that phenomenal hair, causes physical, aching pain.
I keep wrestling with the idea of deleting my journal and trying to move beyond JC, ‘Nsync, and the fandom but the fandom is intricately tied to people I’ve come to care about. Honestly, I’m just sad. And I feel kind of bad. I’m sure it will pass. Perhaps I just need an LJ break until Grammy mania is over. I don’t know.
