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I keep trying to start a post about Brokeback Mountain and nothing I write seems to drive home just how this movie affected me. I knew it was going to be sad but I had no idea - no idea - it would break me like that. Kiffle had to hold me through wracking sobs at the end of the film. The movie was beautiful in scope and grandeur and message. The performances blew me away. It was, quite frankly and without melodrama, one of the most moving films I've seen. It's going to be with me for a long time.
I had no idea Jack dies. I've been waiting to read the story since I heard about the film and, simply because of character profiles, I thought that Ennis was going to kill himself. This was so much worse. The death itself was tragic but seeing how broken Ennis was has me tearing up all over again. There was so much waste and, the thing is, even though Ennis is broken over the loss of Jack, he was broken before Jack died and I don't think he'd be able to go back and change his choices even knowing how it all ends. Heath Ledger was phenomenal in his anguish. And Jack. I keep thinking about his last thoughts were as he died. Were they full of regret? Of hope that Ennis would find himself? I can't, and don't want to, imagine the anguish of living your life in love with someone who can only give you a fraction of what you need. How do you walk away when you still have that sliver of hope?
There were some particularly powerful scenes for me:
* Ennis making the decision to go back into the tent that second time on Brokeback Mountain. He's making a conscious choice to give himself over to this thing he can't explain.
* Ennis in the alley just after they first part. His anguish caused me physical pain.
* Ennis' wife seeing him with Jack when they're finally reunited. I was glad she found happiness with someone else because she didn't deserve to be a silent partner in his denial.
* The dichotomy in Jack between his drive to see Ennis after the divorce and his drive home when he realizes this doesn't mean Ennis is ready to start a life together.
* Jack in Mexico trying so hard to fill a need and, I think, knowing that this isn't going to do it for him because it's Ennis, always Ennis.
* Their last trip together from Jack's admissions to Ennis' breakdown. It was so fucking raw.
* The entire end sequence of the movie from Jack's death on. God. That loss took up residence in my heart and in my gut. I'm still blown away.
Thank you![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kiffle, eleanor_lavish, and rossetti for sharing the experience. The memory of us all clinging together at the end makes me smile wide. :)
The film makes we want to find love and hang on with everything I've got.
Last night was my step-father's 60th birthday party and the actual motivation for my trip up to NYC. He's such a good man. I'm glad I was able to surprise him and share in his night. No matter how much I wish my father was here, I'll always, always be grateful that my step-father is in my life. He raised me as his own and I'm as much his as I am my mom's or my dad's.
Okay. Now that I'm really a mess... ;)
In yesterday's poll 79.5% of you said you read your friend's list by starting from the most recent post and reading backwards to the last post you read. 20.5% of you said you find the last post you read and read forward to the most current post. I'm in the first group but, judging by the comments, those of you in the second group sure are passionate in your need to maintain consecutive order! *g*
My flight home starts boarding in about 15 minutes. I feel like I just got here but the warm weather waiting for me is more than enough incentive to get on the airplane.
I had no idea Jack dies. I've been waiting to read the story since I heard about the film and, simply because of character profiles, I thought that Ennis was going to kill himself. This was so much worse. The death itself was tragic but seeing how broken Ennis was has me tearing up all over again. There was so much waste and, the thing is, even though Ennis is broken over the loss of Jack, he was broken before Jack died and I don't think he'd be able to go back and change his choices even knowing how it all ends. Heath Ledger was phenomenal in his anguish. And Jack. I keep thinking about his last thoughts were as he died. Were they full of regret? Of hope that Ennis would find himself? I can't, and don't want to, imagine the anguish of living your life in love with someone who can only give you a fraction of what you need. How do you walk away when you still have that sliver of hope?
There were some particularly powerful scenes for me:
* Ennis making the decision to go back into the tent that second time on Brokeback Mountain. He's making a conscious choice to give himself over to this thing he can't explain.
* Ennis in the alley just after they first part. His anguish caused me physical pain.
* Ennis' wife seeing him with Jack when they're finally reunited. I was glad she found happiness with someone else because she didn't deserve to be a silent partner in his denial.
* The dichotomy in Jack between his drive to see Ennis after the divorce and his drive home when he realizes this doesn't mean Ennis is ready to start a life together.
* Jack in Mexico trying so hard to fill a need and, I think, knowing that this isn't going to do it for him because it's Ennis, always Ennis.
* Their last trip together from Jack's admissions to Ennis' breakdown. It was so fucking raw.
* The entire end sequence of the movie from Jack's death on. God. That loss took up residence in my heart and in my gut. I'm still blown away.
Thank you
kiffle, eleanor_lavish, and rossetti for sharing the experience. The memory of us all clinging together at the end makes me smile wide. :)The film makes we want to find love and hang on with everything I've got.
Last night was my step-father's 60th birthday party and the actual motivation for my trip up to NYC. He's such a good man. I'm glad I was able to surprise him and share in his night. No matter how much I wish my father was here, I'll always, always be grateful that my step-father is in my life. He raised me as his own and I'm as much his as I am my mom's or my dad's.
Okay. Now that I'm really a mess... ;)
In yesterday's poll 79.5% of you said you read your friend's list by starting from the most recent post and reading backwards to the last post you read. 20.5% of you said you find the last post you read and read forward to the most current post. I'm in the first group but, judging by the comments, those of you in the second group sure are passionate in your need to maintain consecutive order! *g*
My flight home starts boarding in about 15 minutes. I feel like I just got here but the warm weather waiting for me is more than enough incentive to get on the airplane.
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